Power and Control Wheel- LGBTQ+

Abuse is a pattern, and is not limited to physical or sexual violence. Abuse can take many forms but always comes from a desire to exert power or control over another person. Regular or occasional use of non-consensual, coercive, manipulative, intimidating, or controlling behavior in a relationship is abuse.

The LGBTQ+ community faces many unfair barriers to health, happiness, and congruence, including discrimination and violence. Abusers may use and take advantage of societal injustices to further isolate, manipulate, and ridicule their partner(s). The LGBTQ+ power and control wheel helps us understand the unique threats and tactics that abusers may use in gay, lesbian, queer, trans, or same sex relationships.

Community Safety Network serves all people who experience intimate partner violence, sexual assault, and stalking. We serve people of all gender identities and sexual orientations, and are deeply committed to providing a welcoming, supportive, informed, empowering, and safe environment for our LGBQ+ and gender diverse community members.

The Power and Control Wheel is a tool to understand the different forms abuse can take. It can help you understand if what you are experiencing is abuse by identifying controlling patterns of behavior used by an abuser.

Physical and Sexual Violence are more commonly understood methods of an abuser exerting power and control over someone, but behavioral patterns are also abuse.  The following are examples of behavioral abuse:

Coercion and Threats

Threatening to out you or share personal information regarding your identity, threatening others who are important to you, and threatening to sever you from the queer community.

Intimidation

Threats to use identity to take away or control access to children, pets, or assets, symbolic violence such as cutting up a pride flag or important clothing, or displaying a pride flag to out a partner.

Emotional Abuse

Questioning if you are a “real” man/woman/lesbian/femme/etc. Reinforcing internalized homo/bi/transphobia, using a dead name, misgendering, interfering with medical or legal transition.

Isolation

Saying no one will believe you because you are gay, lesbian, bi, or trans. Not letting you go anywhere alone. Limiting your access to queer community and support.

Blaming, Minimizing, or Denial

Accusing you of “mutual abuse,” saying women/men can’t abuse men.

Using Dependants, Friends, or Loved Ones

Threatening to out you to hurt your relationships or access to children or loved ones, using biological parent status to threaten that you could lose the children or to control you.

Using Societal Privilege

Being the one to define each other’s roles, using the ability to pass to discredit you, put you in danger, cut off your resources, or use the system against you.

Economic and Academic Abuse

Using your identity to interfere with work or school, restrict access to bank accounts, credit cards, or spending on medicine, clothing, or other vital pieces of identity.